Bassflatbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, merciful zebra.

Bassflatbarn created the planet Jupiter three million years ago.

If you believe in Bassflatbarn, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Bassflatbarn, he will turn you into a hamster.

Bassflatbarn's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Bassflatbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five birds approach from the north.

2. Put Bassflatbarn first in all things.

3. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. You must pray to Bassflatbarn six times a day.