Tafstragyik is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, generous unicorn.

Tafstragyik created Africa five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tafstragyik, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tafstragyik, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Tafstragyik's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tafstragyik's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tafstragyik.

2. Do not take Tafstragyik's name in vain.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Run away if four snails approach from the north.

5. Never go into turquoise rooms.