Flabkipcem is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, ill-tempered shrew.

Flabkipcem created a quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Flabkipcem, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Flabkipcem, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Flabkipcem's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Flabkipcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Flabkipcem's name in vain.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Hide from indigo birds for they are unholy.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always make sure there are no foxes in a room before entering it.