Gonjabbess is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, dishonourable chicken.

Gonjabbess created gold two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonjabbess, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gonjabbess, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Gonjabbess' most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Gonjabbess' Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

5. Always treat dogs with great respect.