Landagmap is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, unselfish eagle.

Landagmap created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Landagmap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Landagmap, he will be very sad.

Landagmap's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Landagmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. Never feed corn to swans while wearing black skirts.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Landagmap.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.