Tipfomvag is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, moody clam.

Tipfomvag created the Whirlpool Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tipfomvag, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tipfomvag, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tipfomvag's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Tipfomvag's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear cyan.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

4. Nematodes are not to be trusted.

5. Respect your elders.