Safsisyokloop Jamcetlip is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, dishonest gnu.

Safsisyokloop Jamcetlip created the Sun nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Safsisyokloop Jamcetlip, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Safsisyokloop Jamcetlip, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Safsisyokloop Jamcetlip's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Safsisyokloop Jamcetlip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Safsisyokloop Jamcetlip.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Safsisyokloop Jamcetlip.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never think about black holes.