Zogtikbess is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, cheerful monkey.

Zogtikbess created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Zogtikbess, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Zogtikbess, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Zogtikbess' most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Zogtikbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always obey Zogtikbess' priests.

3. Never eat garlic.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate nematodes.

5. Never laugh in the presence of monkeys.