Pakmipwap is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, dishonest chinchilla.

Pakmipwap created tapeworms seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakmipwap, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pakmipwap, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Pakmipwap's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Pakmipwap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

2. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

3. Do not speak about gooseberries.

4. Never sit in holy places.

5. Do not run in public.