Flapfonsid is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, almighty scorpion.

Flapfonsid created viruses two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flapfonsid, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Flapfonsid, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flapfonsid's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Flapfonsid's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate mites.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Retreat if nine tortoises approach from the west.

5. Do not wear purple clothing.