Bepjablin is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, humorless hedgehog.

Bepjablin created vertebrates three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bepjablin, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bepjablin, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Bepjablin's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Bepjablin's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured otters.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.