Ponfid is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, resourceful gerbil.

Ponfid created a Higgs boson six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponfid, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ponfid, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Ponfid's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Ponfid's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Always look after injured aardvarks.

3. Never eat strawberries.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never talk about fire.