Kabshavtunjam is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, clever weasel.

Kabshavtunjam created bats three billion years ago.

If you believe in Kabshavtunjam, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kabshavtunjam, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Kabshavtunjam's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kabshavtunjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never eat gooseberries.