Zakbarnbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, effective hydra.

Zakbarnbeg created the world seven million years ago.

If you believe in Zakbarnbeg, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Zakbarnbeg, he will turn you into a worm.

Zakbarnbeg's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Zakbarnbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never eat rice.

4. Never sing near moths.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Zakbarnbeg.