Yartnilltit is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, benevolent bird.

Yartnilltit created the planet Earth six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartnilltit, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Yartnilltit, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Yartnilltit's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Yartnilltit's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Run away from brown manatees, for they are unholy.

3. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

4. Hide from yellow squirrels for they are unholy.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.