Catgessquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, humorless goblin.

Catgessquaf created the Sol system eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Catgessquaf, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Catgessquaf, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Catgessquaf's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Catgessquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

2. Do not hurt doves.

3. You must pray to Catgessquaf three times a day.

4. Run away from turquoise ants, for they are unholy.

5. Do not drink water in blue rooms.