Tomfemyab is a god.

He takes the form of a large, intelligent mole.

Tomfemyab created dark matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomfemyab, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tomfemyab, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tomfemyab's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Tomfemyab's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never mention manatees.

3. Never run in the presence of dolphins.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Do not make images of living things.