Kanlooplun Ladcisslen is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, merciless guinea pig.

Kanlooplun Ladcisslen created dark matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanlooplun Ladcisslen, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Kanlooplun Ladcisslen, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kanlooplun Ladcisslen's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Kanlooplun Ladcisslen's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kanlooplun Ladcisslen.

2. Run away from yellow geese, for they are unholy.

3. Never mention capybaras.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.