Cibgildunmet is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, emotional grasshopper.

Cibgildunmet created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cibgildunmet, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Cibgildunmet, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cibgildunmet's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Cibgildunmet's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Cibgildunmet.

4. Cibgildunmet loves squirrels, so they must be respected.

5. Always pray immersed in water.