Tarpcussbam is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, thoughtless slug.

Tarpcussbam created the cosmos four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcussbam, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tarpcussbam, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Tarpcussbam's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Tarpcussbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your head brown.

2. Feed all hungry pigs.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Always make sure there are no doves in a building before entering it.

5. Dogs are not to be trusted.