Janpib is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, selfish cat.

Janpib created matter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Janpib, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Janpib, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Janpib's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Janpib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Put Janpib first in all things.

4. Never feed coconuts to tapirs while wearing gray rings.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.