Sitflowvag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, strong hydra.

Sitflowvag created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Sitflowvag, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Sitflowvag, he will turn you into a slug.

Sitflowvag's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Sitflowvag's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Always wear fawn.

4. Run away from cyan tapirs, for they are unholy.

5. Never feed bread to birds while wearing brown corsets.