Teenlarpzed is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, unsympathetic newt.

Teenlarpzed created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Teenlarpzed, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Teenlarpzed, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Teenlarpzed's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Teenlarpzed's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never write about nebulae.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never think ill of sick birds.