Capsawarn is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, cheerful troll.

Capsawarn created a quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Capsawarn, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Capsawarn, he will boil you in a big pot.

Capsawarn's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Capsawarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not dye your hair pink.

4. Do not kill whales.

5. Never talk about tapirs.