Lapcamdograpfedtad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, stupid ant.

Lapcamdograpfedtad created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lapcamdograpfedtad, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lapcamdograpfedtad, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Lapcamdograpfedtad's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Lapcamdograpfedtad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat garlic.

2. Never write about planets.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never think ill of sick badgers.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.