Nuttofveg Tapbenciss is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, calm rhinoceros.

Nuttofveg Tapbenciss created the planet Saturn nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Nuttofveg Tapbenciss, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Nuttofveg Tapbenciss, it will ignore you.

Nuttofveg Tapbenciss' most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Nuttofveg Tapbenciss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat parsnips.

2. Hide from cyan geese for they are unholy.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never wear green dresses.

5. Erect a large iron sculpture of Nuttofveg Tapbenciss on top of all buildings.