Dudbonkzim is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, grumpy crane.

Dudbonkzim created energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dudbonkzim, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Dudbonkzim, he will boil you in a big pot.

Dudbonkzim's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Dudbonkzim's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large copper sculpture of Dudbonkzim on top of all buildings.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never think ill of sick monkeys.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never write about comets.