Cetkamgess is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, thoughtless fly.

Cetkamgess created dark matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetkamgess, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Cetkamgess, he will throw large rocks at you.

Cetkamgess' most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Cetkamgess' Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Run away if nine tortoises approach from the west.

3. Hide if four voles approach from the south.

4. Always treat pigs with great respect.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.