Tettifentan is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, omnipotent dingo.

Tettifentan created the planet Earth seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettifentan, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tettifentan, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tettifentan's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Tettifentan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine ducks approach from the east.

2. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Never mention bats.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Tettifentan loves whales, so they must be respected.