Talkanstan is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, all-powerful swallow.

Talkanstan created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Talkanstan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Talkanstan, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Talkanstan's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Talkanstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

5. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.