Hogxemjad is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, confident scorpion.

Hogxemjad created silver two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogxemjad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hogxemjad, he will turn you into a goat.

Hogxemjad's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Hogxemjad's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Hogxemjad.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Always help badgers in need.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not run in public.