Fitvogbom Dossvonkbum is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, happy narwhal.

Fitvogbom Dossvonkbum created the cosmos five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitvogbom Dossvonkbum, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fitvogbom Dossvonkbum, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Fitvogbom Dossvonkbum's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Fitvogbom Dossvonkbum's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never eat lemons.

5. Do not listen to music.