Vanbigbim is a god.

She takes the form of a small, contented crocodile.

Vanbigbim created vertebrates seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vanbigbim, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vanbigbim, she will turn you into a slug.

Vanbigbim's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Vanbigbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never write about planets.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Vanbigbim.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. Never feed peanuts to dolphins while wearing indigo rings.