Batpitfas is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, ruthless deer.

Batpitfas created time and space two million years ago.

If you believe in Batpitfas, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Batpitfas, she will turn you into a puffin.

Batpitfas' most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Batpitfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never run near ants.

2. Erect six carbon sculptures of Batpitfas on top of important buildings.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Respect your elders.