Vonfagvonk is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, awesome clam.

Vonfagvonk created a bottom quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonfagvonk, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Vonfagvonk, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Vonfagvonk's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Vonfagvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never wear stockings.

3. Never go into mauve rooms.

4. Always help whales.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.