Rutvegcat is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, merciful capybara.

Rutvegcat created the planet Jupiter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rutvegcat, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Rutvegcat, she will turn you into a tree.

Rutvegcat's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Rutvegcat's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to dogs while wearing magenta corsets.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always stare at clouds.