Yimmapmat is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, dishonest spider.

Yimmapmat created everything that exists eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yimmapmat, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yimmapmat, she will torture you forever.

Yimmapmat's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Yimmapmat's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not take Yimmapmat's name in vain.

4. Always help seals in need.

5. Do not eat cucumbers.