Hakwabquill is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, weak walrus.

Hakwabquill created the cosmos four million years ago.

If you believe in Hakwabquill, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hakwabquill, she will turn you into a dog.

Hakwabquill's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Hakwabquill's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Always obey Hakwabquill's priests.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Put Hakwabquill first in all things.

5. Run away from yellow pigs, for they are unholy.