Teenquamhun is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, moody seal.

Teenquamhun created the Black Eye Galaxy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenquamhun, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Teenquamhun, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Teenquamhun's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Teenquamhun's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Teenquamhun eight times a day.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Worship no other gods but Teenquamhun.