Farcamgonhub is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, quiet newt.

Farcamgonhub created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Farcamgonhub, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Farcamgonhub, it will turn you into a mole.

Farcamgonhub's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Farcamgonhub's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near manatees.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Erect four zinc sculptures of Farcamgonhub on top of important buildings.

5. Always take life seriously.