Rapzogfumquat is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, selfish squid.

Rapzogfumquat created vertebrates seven million years ago.

If you believe in Rapzogfumquat, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Rapzogfumquat, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Rapzogfumquat's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Rapzogfumquat's Holy Commandments

1. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

2. Retreat if eight snakes approach from the south.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Rapzogfumquat must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never hurt goats.