Fomcipbam is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, astonishing walrus.

Fomcipbam created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fomcipbam, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fomcipbam, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Fomcipbam's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Fomcipbam's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fomcipbam.

2. Always make sure there are no foxes in a building before entering it.

3. Run away if five tapirs approach from the east.

4. Always help sick swans.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate frogs.