Nurtvigveen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, stupid dingo.

Nurtvigveen created an atom seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtvigveen, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Nurtvigveen, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Nurtvigveen's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Nurtvigveen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from magenta great tits for they are unholy.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never hurt squirrels.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.