Quagteenfed is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, humane swallow.

Quagteenfed created Europe eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagteenfed, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Quagteenfed, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Quagteenfed's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Quagteenfed's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Quagteenfed.

2. Never write about stars.

3. Hide from yellow shrews for they are unholy.

4. Worship no other gods but Quagteenfed.

5. Never wear red hats.