Gilquartkemmit is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, thoughtless lion.

Gilquartkemmit created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gilquartkemmit, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gilquartkemmit, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gilquartkemmit's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Gilquartkemmit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never talk about fire.