Pakbifcintan is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, tiresome raven.

Pakbifcintan created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakbifcintan, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Pakbifcintan, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Pakbifcintan's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Pakbifcintan's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. You must never eat melons.

5. Do not wear nickel on your body.