Tunspagflan is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, benevolent coyote.

Tunspagflan created a Higgs boson seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tunspagflan, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tunspagflan, it will refuse to believe in you.

Tunspagflan's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tunspagflan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tunspagflan.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate monkeys.