Pakquaghin is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, compassionate centaur.

Pakquaghin created oxygen seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakquaghin, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Pakquaghin, she will turn you into a rock.

Pakquaghin's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Pakquaghin's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in holy places.

2. Do not hurt eagles.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always take life seriously.