Hudpadpidbossben is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, proud monkey.

Hudpadpidbossben created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hudpadpidbossben, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hudpadpidbossben, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Hudpadpidbossben's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Hudpadpidbossben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silicon on your body.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Always help sick aardvarks.