Litjonstig is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, selfish wolf.

Litjonstig created the Whirlpool Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Litjonstig, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Litjonstig, he will throw large rocks at you.

Litjonstig's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Litjonstig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Litjonstig loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Litjonstig.

5. Never think about cell theory.